|Extra big |
so he can read properly and not
make a fool of himself as he usually does.
By Mike Smith
12th of February 2016
When I was watching the Number One’s State of the Nation last night I thought, “Goodness...my readers must be bored out of their wits trying to decipher that brabble”.
You guys at least have the choice to switch the TV off and go have a beer whilst watering the lawn. I, as a political and current affairs commentator have no choice, but to sit there and listen to this half witted idiot.
So I decided to decipher all that Commie-speak for you to make it a bit shorter and easier to understand.
Of course you can Read the entire SONA here if you can stomach it.
Here are some more pictures
However here is my version of what he REALLY said.
Good evening ladies and gentlemen.
White people are the enemy.
Dont forget that...:
Whites kicked you out of District Six. Whites made you carry passes. Whites made you study Afrikaans. Whites forced blacks to fight in World War One. Whites killed our innocent MK activists. White people are racists. Never forget that.
We want to welcome some church leaders here, including the Archbishop of Cape Town, to show you that God supports the ANC.
We the ANC have governed well, but since I came to power, our economy is in tatters and we have no coocking clue how to fix it.
We are corrupt and mismanaged state owned companies like Eskom, Transnet, SAA, etc, but we are working on it not to be caught out so often anymore.
We fucked up the country’s infrastructure, but lo and behold, somehow, magically, the trains still move and the lights are still on. So no worries.
We stuffed up big time with the draconian Visa regulation, because we have no clue of how the international world works, so we killed tourism in SA, but don’t panic, because we collapsed the Rand so the tourists are still coming, because the country is cheap.
We have failed to create jobs for our black voters and failed to help them start small businesses, so we appeal to the Baases of the big white companies to fire more competent whites and appoint more of our incompetent blacks, because this is the only way we know how to create jobs.
Although our economy is stuffed as for as international economies are concerned, we are still the strongest economy in Africa and we intend to train more people in the banking and financial sector so they can steal more efficiently for us and not get caught. This is how we move South Africa forward.
We admit that we have stolen too much of the taxpayer’s money so we decided to cut down on (first class) overseas trips and the amount of family and friends we are allowed to take along on state costs (first class).
Further, the money is drying up, so we will cut down on the amount of money we spend on parties, food, alcohol and whores on all three levels of government (national, provincial and local) as well as in the judiciary.
It will be difficult for us, but once there is enough money again we can party on taxpayer’s costs as usual.
Coming back to Eskom. The lights are barely staying on and we pray that this will continue, but we have made plans to put some unsafe, out of date, Russian nuclear plants on your doorstep and get massive kickbacks from the contracts that will make the weapons scandal of the 90’s look like a Sunday picnic. Actually it is just a front to enrich some Uranium that we have so much of and build nuclear weapons that we will sell to our terrorist friends in Palestine, Iran and around the world, but nobody knows and nobody cares.
We are in cahoots with large international companies like VW, Nestlé, Samsung, Unilever, etc. We supply them cheap black labour at minimum wage, tax them nothing, keep the unions on a tight leash and they pay us plenty of buckshees and kickbacks.
The collectivisation of farms was a massive failure, but we will carry on stealing white farmer’s land and force them to hand over 50% of their farms to the black workers. Failure to do so will result in us expropriating such farms completely with no compensation. So they better wake up and stay awake.
We stuffed up the water and sanitation in this country. We failed to build any new dams or maintain infrastructure and now that we have a massive drought all over South Africa, we have no clue what to do about it. Nevertheless...Stuff the farmers. We won't help them. Food prices can rise. We don’t give a shit. KFC will never run out of chicken. Just sit tight and pray for rain or consult a Sangoma to do a rain ceremony.
Unfortunately we had to kill 38 miners at Marikana, but since then the natives have behaved themselves and the gold and platinum is flowing out of the country again. Our Anglo American Randlord friends in London and Washington should be satisfied by this, but we appeal to them to not fire anymore miners, because then we will have to do another Marikana.
We have more than 3000km coastline and it is a pity that we were so stupid in the past that we did not properly rape the oceans of South Africa yet, but we are working on it and making plans together with the Chinese and Dr. Iqbal Survé’s Sekunjalo so we can steal more perlemoen (abalone) and pretend we are farming it and protecting it. We want to properly destroy the seas just as we have done with the rest of the country.
Stuff the students at university. They are not getting any more money and we are not lowering fees.
Sorry about killing 300,000 blacks a year due to our stupid garlic and beetroot AIDS/HIV policies in the past. We fired Thabo and Manto and since then people are living eight years longer. You can now die at 62 and forfeit your pension. More money for us to steal.
We will rig and crook the local government elections which will be held after May.
We will come around and inspect local municipalities to make sure they are not stealing too much. Stealing is our job. i.e. National government which is us.
We stuffed up Pretoria. It is filthy and sewage is flowing through the streets. Stuff the residents and traders who complain. If they want us to fix it and clean it they must pay.
We give blacks free houses in the townships, but instead of occupying them, they either sell them or rent them out other people. So we will just build some more.
Further, we have failed to deliver services to the townships, because it costs too much money and then we won’t have enough money for us to steal. But we are listening to people’s complaints. Blah, blah, blah....
We also listened to foreign nationals in the kilometer long queues at Home Affairs unable to get papers. We asked them what they were doing in SA anyway? They said they were here to steal your jobs and women, so stuff them. They can wait all year in those queues. We don’t care.
We stuffed up the police services. The police are useless, incompetent, lazy and not well trained to do their jobs, but that is OK otherwise they could come and investigate us. We cannot have that. However, due to their incompetence, 75 of these dumb fucks got killed last year. We told them before to just “Shoot to kill”, but they don’t listen. So it is their problem if they get killed.
We will carry on supporting our genocidal dictatorial friends in the rest of Africa and we will use the South African Army as mercenaries and private security guards to protect our interests and projects to rape the continent and exploit the poor blacks in central Africa. We are very proud of our dumb fuck soldiers that they are obeying us so well and risking their lives for our wealth..
We are very happy about the BRICS Bank that will lend us billions that the taxpayers will have to pay back. We have made some deals with China to sell more mineral wealth to them for about $US10 billion. That is about one hundred, sixty thousand million, two and seheaventy…listen properly…billion six rand.
We are still being supported by and working closely together with those whites in Europe, America and Canada. Together with 2000 EU companies we are exploiting our black workers for their cheap labour and we will continue giving these big corporations tax cuts as long as we get our slice of the pie.
We want to congratulate all the black quota sports stars who qualified for the Olympics. Pity some whites made it too.
We want people to eat more KFC and McDonalds so they can die earlier and we can pocket their pensions. Therfore we have introduced a few more national pig-out days.
Our black Kwaito singers are basically useless so we are going to chuck more taxpayer’s money down a black hole to try and improve them through the Cultural and Creative Industries Federation of South Africa.
In order for us to achieve our objectives of totally stuffing up South Africa and robbing it into bankruptcy, we need to pull together and move faster. We need to “act decisively to remove domestic constraints to growth.” ....That means we need to get rid of these pesky whites who keep on catching us out when we steal or stuff up the country.
Let us work together to turn the situation around. It can be done.
I thank you.